First let me say I apologize for my tardiness in this post... if I am not mistaken, its among the three day mark that I committed to blog every day, yet as God endowed me with a mind of great deductive reasoning I certainly used it to its fullest potential by typing that blog out on my friend's computer as mine has thrown itself a pitty-party by getting a virus. This deductive mind hadn't comprehended that I can't blog daily with no computer... Never the less, I am apologizing less for your sake because obviously these posts haven't been of great inspiration to you I'm sure, yet I made that commitment and I hadn't quite realized it's implausibility.
Now, on to the actual content of this post.
The time-stamp this blog will come with makes the following statement redundant yet I will say it anyway; it is 6:53AM on Thursday November 17th, and I am sitting here at my desk in Mission Control (That's quite literally its name) of the Global Expeditions Call Center. Today marks the starting of the clock to my potential voyage home. But a little background first.
A few weeks ago, my teetering back and forth between staying here at the Honor Academy and going home to St. Cloud came to a head with the mental resolution that if I am truly supposed to be going home, then I should hope to stay at least until Christmas, that being the most financially advantageous choice. Consequently my grandma had sent me an email the same day, where I read almost verbatim the same words I had expressed to the darkness hours before that evening. This is, what we in the Church, call "Conformation." A little while had passed, and all my musings about it all had merely become a faint memory in the harried life we live here as Interns. Then, I received an email. This email basically reminding me that I have no more days to spend fundraising and consequently will be needing to meet, yet again, with the Director of Intern Relations to discuss a final Financial deadline before I am "Financially Dismissed." And that is now where you find me, blogging, as I had said at my desk.
Life seems to be quite interesting. Whatever impact I may have hoped to have on people here is fading "confirming" all the more that my time here is done. I had taken the initiative to pack all of my things getting ready for whenever they determined I was done, and apparently that sent ripples throughout the dorm. I had whispered a mere side-note that I may be leaving by weeks end, and now the questions from all sides have been streaming in as if it had been broadcast on CNN.
These questions followed by poignant comments, and memories I hadn't prepared myself for. I know that I will miss people here, some that surprised me, other of course I anticipated, but I can say that I had no idea I had said enough things to spur my roommates into a "quote-a-thon" my roommate Max said last night "When you leave we'll be quoting TCisms for the rest of our lives." Now Max is often prone to exaggeration, but I have this urking feeling he was more serious this time.
The hardest part, in my opinion is the fact that no matter where you go, when you go you miss those you had around you, and when you return to those you left, you cannot help but miss those you left to return.
Seems an endless conundrum.
I am excited to see those whom I left, and am excited to see how they've grown, to see how life has progressed in my absence and to try to find my spot again. Never the less I shall be missing my CORE, Max, Britt, Steven, Bobby, the Brothers of 3114, and of course the sisters.
This predicament seems relentless.
The hardest part about going, is the leaving, the hardest part about leaving is the missing, the hardest part about the missing is troublesome fact that coming or going you're always leaving somewhere, and as long as there is a somewhere there was a someone, and more often than not many someones.
The hardest part then, is that leaving means missing, and you can never get to where you're going without leaving where you are, and leaving those who were with you...
So heres to missing friends, of sorts I hadn't meant to miss.. I raise my glass and tip my hat to you all.. and dare I say it.. I love you.
Now, on to the actual content of this post.
The time-stamp this blog will come with makes the following statement redundant yet I will say it anyway; it is 6:53AM on Thursday November 17th, and I am sitting here at my desk in Mission Control (That's quite literally its name) of the Global Expeditions Call Center. Today marks the starting of the clock to my potential voyage home. But a little background first.
A few weeks ago, my teetering back and forth between staying here at the Honor Academy and going home to St. Cloud came to a head with the mental resolution that if I am truly supposed to be going home, then I should hope to stay at least until Christmas, that being the most financially advantageous choice. Consequently my grandma had sent me an email the same day, where I read almost verbatim the same words I had expressed to the darkness hours before that evening. This is, what we in the Church, call "Conformation." A little while had passed, and all my musings about it all had merely become a faint memory in the harried life we live here as Interns. Then, I received an email. This email basically reminding me that I have no more days to spend fundraising and consequently will be needing to meet, yet again, with the Director of Intern Relations to discuss a final Financial deadline before I am "Financially Dismissed." And that is now where you find me, blogging, as I had said at my desk.
Life seems to be quite interesting. Whatever impact I may have hoped to have on people here is fading "confirming" all the more that my time here is done. I had taken the initiative to pack all of my things getting ready for whenever they determined I was done, and apparently that sent ripples throughout the dorm. I had whispered a mere side-note that I may be leaving by weeks end, and now the questions from all sides have been streaming in as if it had been broadcast on CNN.
These questions followed by poignant comments, and memories I hadn't prepared myself for. I know that I will miss people here, some that surprised me, other of course I anticipated, but I can say that I had no idea I had said enough things to spur my roommates into a "quote-a-thon" my roommate Max said last night "When you leave we'll be quoting TCisms for the rest of our lives." Now Max is often prone to exaggeration, but I have this urking feeling he was more serious this time.
The hardest part, in my opinion is the fact that no matter where you go, when you go you miss those you had around you, and when you return to those you left, you cannot help but miss those you left to return.
Seems an endless conundrum.
I am excited to see those whom I left, and am excited to see how they've grown, to see how life has progressed in my absence and to try to find my spot again. Never the less I shall be missing my CORE, Max, Britt, Steven, Bobby, the Brothers of 3114, and of course the sisters.
This predicament seems relentless.
The hardest part about going, is the leaving, the hardest part about leaving is the missing, the hardest part about the missing is troublesome fact that coming or going you're always leaving somewhere, and as long as there is a somewhere there was a someone, and more often than not many someones.
The hardest part then, is that leaving means missing, and you can never get to where you're going without leaving where you are, and leaving those who were with you...
So heres to missing friends, of sorts I hadn't meant to miss.. I raise my glass and tip my hat to you all.. and dare I say it.. I love you.
:)
ReplyDeleteWe'll welcome you home with open arms TC. And I should mention that I quote you quite often, because I use the extensive amount of wisdom you have given me everyday. Life is full of goodbyes, but not all of them have to be forever.
ReplyDeleteIt's good to have your "old" self back!!
ReplyDelete